What Did the Toothless Old Termite Say When He Entered a Tavern?
The answer: "Is the bartender here?" Here's the joke, why it works, and the real science hiding inside it.
The answer is: "Is the bar tender here?"
It's a pun. A bartender is the person who serves drinks — but "bar tender" also sounds like asking whether the wooden bar is tender, meaning soft. Termites eat wood, so the old toothless termite is really asking if the bar is soft enough to chew. The joke flips one word into two.
Are termites the same as ants?
No — and this is the question that actually matters for your house. They look similar at a glance, especially when they swarm, but they're easy to tell apart once you know what to check:
| Feature | Termites | Ants |
|---|---|---|
| Antennae | Straight, like a string of beads | Bent at an elbow |
| Waist | Thick and uniform | Pinched and narrow |
| Wings (swarmers) | Both pairs equal length | Front pair longer than back |
| Diet | Wood and cellulose | Almost anything |
Termites and ants really are enemies
This part of the joke's lore is true. Ants and termites are natural rivals, and ants regularly raid termite colonies for food. That's exactly why termite colonies have a soldier caste — big-headed defenders whose whole job is holding the line so the queen and colony survive.
Before you root for the ants, though: an ant colony in your yard will not reliably wipe out a termite colony in your walls. Usually you just end up with both.
Saw winged "ants" around your windows?
Swarmers — the winged termites that fly off to start new colonies — are how most SGV homeowners first find out they have termites. A pile of identical-length discarded wings on a window sill is a colony announcing itself. If you've seen them, a termite inspection is worth doing now, while treatment options are still small and cheap. Quotes are always free: (626) 409-1584.
Quick Answers
Quick Answers.
What did the toothless termite say when he entered a tavern?
He asked "Is the bar tender here?" — a pun on bartender. Termites eat wood, so the toothless old termite wants to know if the wooden bar is tender (soft) enough to chew.
How can I tell termites from ants?
Termites have straight, beaded antennae, thick waists and equal-length wings. Ants have elbowed antennae, pinched waists and front wings longer than the back pair.
Are flying termites worse than flying ants?
Termite swarmers mean an established colony is nearby and reproducing — that's worth an inspection. Flying ants are usually a nuisance rather than a structural threat.
Ready for a pest-free property?
Free quotes, honest answers, and an owner who shows up.